Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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