new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
