Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
