It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
