Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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