toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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