I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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