how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
