I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
