Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
