i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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