do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
