paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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