Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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