he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
