you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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