Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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