Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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