He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
