I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
