What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
