I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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