my phone needs a breathalizer
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
