You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
