I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
