never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
