the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
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I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
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I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize