i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
they're like a gay fantastic four
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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