i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
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Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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