I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize