i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
