And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
