Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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