I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
