She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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