After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
