You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
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He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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