Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
