oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize