Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
