i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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