I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
there was a trapeze. enough said
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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