yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
