just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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