I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
