This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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