i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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