Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
