she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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