I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
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I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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