eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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