So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
