this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This baby is an asshole
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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