forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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