the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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