I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
