Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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