The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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