Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
please don't ironically join a cult
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