if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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