i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
