How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
