What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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