we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
