Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
