But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
