when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
