Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
