There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
