Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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