He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
